Has anyone else noticed that basically all of the sponsors/Expo Hall vendors have claimed that they’re the “number one” technology in the new media space? Well, this doesn’t sit well with me, namely because I want the REAL number one technology. My thoughts are that, if they’re all claiming it, there’s a high likelihood that the real number one is in this group, right? So… let’s have a duke out session.
It would have to be held on Thursday, after the booth crawl happens on Wednesday (so we get a preliminary look at the contestants), and I propose the following events, to be held in the Expo Hall (although sidewalk use is permitted should it be strategically sneaky):
- Numbers game: Get down to it, what are your stats? Who’s got more users? Who’s got more horse power? Who’s been around the longest? Who has the most funding?
- Engineering: I want you all to build a functional robot out of legos that will empty out inboxes, iron shirts and make drinks. No need to ask too much, as you’ll only have 10 minutes for this portion.
- Security General of the UN for 15 minutes: Leadership skills. If you can end a war in those 15 minutes, that’s pretty cool. We’ll even have UN officials come across town to give you the thumbs up or thumbs down.
- Paintball: A great demonstration of your strategic capabilities, as well as strength. Can you hunt and take down your opponents? Are you too wimpy to take a few shots in the legs?
- Sonnet writing: Obviously, marketing skills. And yes, this sonnet will be written specifically to woo me over (you might want to consider a Baroque quartet of some sort as background supplement).
- Hotdog Eating Contest: What’s the record now, 54 in 12 minutes? Just want to make sure you can pull your weight.
- World Map Quiz: I want to make sure you can go international. To go international, you have to know where you’re going.
- Trivia Quiz: Uh, this is entirely selfish, I’m just looking for possible Trivia Night partners.
- Attractiveness: Line up your management and put them through the hotness factor. Nerdy engineers are a thing of the past. Management has been getting better looking in the past decade (I have no evidence to this end, but it still makes for a good event, superficial potential users are still potential users).
- Ultimate Fighting: Let’s be honest, paintball may be cool, but I basically want to see a straight up duke out here. That’s the true test, just get in the rings and throw the gloves off.
These will be judged in the most social way imaginable, through Twitter votes and tomato throwing.
Any other ways to get to the bottom of this whole “number one” thing? Suggestions very welcome.